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the grill is dead; long live the grill!
Aug. 21st, 2009 06:40 pmIt's done. A mercy killing, really. But dangerous, it was, what with the spewing jets of flame and showers of rusted steel. Defiant to the end, as always. It wasn't for lack of trying on my part. I patched it up, more than once, as did I on the previous one. And the one before that. Consider that, as it's, more or less, like having six new ones in a row, in less than ten years.
Enough. To hell with Char-Broil. No more. Chance after chance I gave them, convinced they couldn't possibly screw up the "next" one I bought.
Bastards.
I buy midrange stuff, too, beyond the casual griller and more into the semi-professional meat-flamer range. So these Char-Broil grills were supposed to be damned good. Screw them. NO MORE!
I weep for the grill but not for the maker. Wasn't its fault it was such a bad design, that the front wall of the chamber would warp from the over-bearing center burner. Just like the other two did before. Or that the slot underneath was just off enough to keep the tank from fitting. Just like the other two before it. I even looked past the fact anything placed on the side shelves was subject to heat blasts just warmer than the surface of the sun. Just like the other two did before.
I wax and wane over the loss. It is, after all, my grill, my personal shrine to man's dominance over burnt meat. How could I expertly roast my pork tenderloin medallions, gently basted with fig infused soy sauce? Where could I sear my steaks to a cripsy crust outside and perfectly, meltingly, decadently rare on the in? On what would I sacrifice those wonderful yardbirds, glazed with my slow-cooked brown sugar sauce? No cebollitas, no grilled eggplant, no smoky brots, no hot sausage! Oh, the humanity!
And have you priced gas grills lately? If you want something "extra" you gotta pay for the privi. It's obscene. I don't have that kind of money. I don't have any kind of money for that matter. Well, there is that bank bag with $14 in silver certificates, 35 Ike silver dollars, 10 two-dollar bills and 1980s era loose change from most of the countries on the planet. Not something Home Depot would consider trading up for. So I've looked, tried to rationale the absurd notion of financing a gas grill. I just don't have the scratch and I flatly refuse to subject myself to the pain of another Char-Broil.. I really need a pit though, as I grill at least once a week. It's just a struggle for a Penguin supporting a nest of five. Curses!
Hark.
I weep not.
I see, in my future, another.
( After much heartache over a replacement, and a healthy boost from a semi-anonymous, senior, farmbound Penguin, this is the new black: )
Enough. To hell with Char-Broil. No more. Chance after chance I gave them, convinced they couldn't possibly screw up the "next" one I bought.
Bastards.
I buy midrange stuff, too, beyond the casual griller and more into the semi-professional meat-flamer range. So these Char-Broil grills were supposed to be damned good. Screw them. NO MORE!
I weep for the grill but not for the maker. Wasn't its fault it was such a bad design, that the front wall of the chamber would warp from the over-bearing center burner. Just like the other two did before. Or that the slot underneath was just off enough to keep the tank from fitting. Just like the other two before it. I even looked past the fact anything placed on the side shelves was subject to heat blasts just warmer than the surface of the sun. Just like the other two did before.
I wax and wane over the loss. It is, after all, my grill, my personal shrine to man's dominance over burnt meat. How could I expertly roast my pork tenderloin medallions, gently basted with fig infused soy sauce? Where could I sear my steaks to a cripsy crust outside and perfectly, meltingly, decadently rare on the in? On what would I sacrifice those wonderful yardbirds, glazed with my slow-cooked brown sugar sauce? No cebollitas, no grilled eggplant, no smoky brots, no hot sausage! Oh, the humanity!
And have you priced gas grills lately? If you want something "extra" you gotta pay for the privi. It's obscene. I don't have that kind of money. I don't have any kind of money for that matter. Well, there is that bank bag with $14 in silver certificates, 35 Ike silver dollars, 10 two-dollar bills and 1980s era loose change from most of the countries on the planet. Not something Home Depot would consider trading up for. So I've looked, tried to rationale the absurd notion of financing a gas grill. I just don't have the scratch and I flatly refuse to subject myself to the pain of another Char-Broil.. I really need a pit though, as I grill at least once a week. It's just a struggle for a Penguin supporting a nest of five. Curses!
Hark.
I weep not.
I see, in my future, another.
( After much heartache over a replacement, and a healthy boost from a semi-anonymous, senior, farmbound Penguin, this is the new black: )
