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awake again
Nov. 22nd, 2004 11:55 pmWhy does one who's so tired consistently find ways to not go to sleep? Am I afraid to sleep? Do I think that I won't wake up? Here I am awake in bed. I turned the computer off ages ago. But I can't sleep now. So here I am.
Awake.
I worked a sweet twelve hour day, when I really really REALLY didn't want to be there. I'm not sure what work I go done today. I can certainly tell you that it wasn't much. I was totally distracted. For one, I was waiting for betawriter to call me about her interview. So that became a good excuse to not work really hard, because she would call soon. Or so I reasoned.
I skipped lunch for some reason. I don't know why, now that I think about it. But I talked to betawriter after all, calming her fears about not finding a job. She's had more calls just come to her doorstep. If only I could have people calling every day to interview me. As it is I'm wondering if I should risk counter-offering a new salary for the impending outsourcing.
Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't talked about that in here. I'm being outsourced! Basically, I'm being turned over to another company to become their employee. Same location, same job, different company. I want more money! I've got a divorce to feed! I thought I would counter by saying that I'm the ideal candidate to try and grow the business for the account and would be the best team leader for the resources that are already there. Sounds good, eh? It's time to move up into the management area. I know some technology, yes, but I know the organization, too. This place is going to go through the roof. Every day I walk outside, I see these monstrous security vehicles waiting to be shipped to the Iragi police force. Today's count is up to seven. In all there will be something like forty. It's really cool to see them all lined up. I keep meaning to get a picture standing in front of them, but it keeps slipping my mind.
So I'll be working for someone else soon. I hated working for EDS, yet another outsourcing company. I always was made to feel expendable, like "Penguin, you've got to find an job somewhere else in EDS or you'll be toast!" It sucked. I just can't help but wonder if what I'm going to face is exactly the same. Thus my move for management. As a team lead, I gain a new element to my list: leadership. Oh, to be a leader. It's not like other professions, where you just go through a presecribed ritual to get to the top. In IT, especially technical infrastructure, you're pretty much disposable in this market. Making the jump to management is tough, as you've got to distinguish yourself as knowing technology and business, and then proving that to the upper managers, most of which, even in a technical company, don't know jack. Fun stuff.
I'm optimistic. At least my job wasn't mutated to something I would hate, or worse yet, just plain eliminated. I don't think I could survive outside of where I am. I haven't had to struggle for a job since 1995. It's much more complicated now, and it worries me. I'm starting to feel OLD at thirty-six. Am I really old? That sucks.
Bah. I'm tired. One more try and then I quit. I'll just stop sleeping.
Awake.
I worked a sweet twelve hour day, when I really really REALLY didn't want to be there. I'm not sure what work I go done today. I can certainly tell you that it wasn't much. I was totally distracted. For one, I was waiting for betawriter to call me about her interview. So that became a good excuse to not work really hard, because she would call soon. Or so I reasoned.
I skipped lunch for some reason. I don't know why, now that I think about it. But I talked to betawriter after all, calming her fears about not finding a job. She's had more calls just come to her doorstep. If only I could have people calling every day to interview me. As it is I'm wondering if I should risk counter-offering a new salary for the impending outsourcing.
Oh, yeah, I guess I haven't talked about that in here. I'm being outsourced! Basically, I'm being turned over to another company to become their employee. Same location, same job, different company. I want more money! I've got a divorce to feed! I thought I would counter by saying that I'm the ideal candidate to try and grow the business for the account and would be the best team leader for the resources that are already there. Sounds good, eh? It's time to move up into the management area. I know some technology, yes, but I know the organization, too. This place is going to go through the roof. Every day I walk outside, I see these monstrous security vehicles waiting to be shipped to the Iragi police force. Today's count is up to seven. In all there will be something like forty. It's really cool to see them all lined up. I keep meaning to get a picture standing in front of them, but it keeps slipping my mind.
So I'll be working for someone else soon. I hated working for EDS, yet another outsourcing company. I always was made to feel expendable, like "Penguin, you've got to find an job somewhere else in EDS or you'll be toast!" It sucked. I just can't help but wonder if what I'm going to face is exactly the same. Thus my move for management. As a team lead, I gain a new element to my list: leadership. Oh, to be a leader. It's not like other professions, where you just go through a presecribed ritual to get to the top. In IT, especially technical infrastructure, you're pretty much disposable in this market. Making the jump to management is tough, as you've got to distinguish yourself as knowing technology and business, and then proving that to the upper managers, most of which, even in a technical company, don't know jack. Fun stuff.
I'm optimistic. At least my job wasn't mutated to something I would hate, or worse yet, just plain eliminated. I don't think I could survive outside of where I am. I haven't had to struggle for a job since 1995. It's much more complicated now, and it worries me. I'm starting to feel OLD at thirty-six. Am I really old? That sucks.
Bah. I'm tired. One more try and then I quit. I'll just stop sleeping.
