to the moron who broke into my van last night

[nolapenguin]

You know, there's always a mentality of "crime happens elsewhere" for people who've had no recent experiences with lawbreakers. It's a kind of a "not in my backyard" attitude that's eventually shattered by the abrupt intrusion of criminal activity. Last night such an event occurred in my driveway. Admittedly my wife has a habit of not locking down our 2000 Odyssey, but considering the condition of our beat-up boulevard barge, I wouldn't conceive of anyone being dense enough to break into our van.

Well, you, Mr. Thief, you entered my unlocked van with the intent of burgling the contents. It happens. Play roulette with an unlocked vehicle and sooner or later you'll pay the piper. It's happened to me before (twice actually) but it's been a long while.

This time, however, Mr Thief, I'm dumbfounded by the most basic of criminal traits: stupidity. Specifically, yours. Mr Thief, you may think you've gotten away with valuable booty from my vehicle, so enjoy that rush. But I've got some bad news for you, friend.

The only thing you took last night was the face of my radio...not the radio...just the head unit. You, sir, are a moron. There are so many things you could have walked away with. A quick jump over my fence would have yielded my $200 fiberglass ladder, or, with some prying, my tool shed containing roughly 10 grand worth of power-tool nirvana.

No. You stole a head unit. You left the actual radio. Maybe your hands were full with the ill-gotten goods of a dozen other cars. Perhaps you liked the shiny buttons and glossy black display. But you don't really have anything of value, because you left the rest of the radio, a quick removal mind you, behind in my dash. Sure, I know there was some great effort in lifting out the plastic frame. And rifling through the door pockets likely yielded dozens of priceless McDonalds napkins. I know you looked for pricey sunglasses in the overhead compartments and tossed my home-made cd compilations to the side. You didn't even bother to check the glove-box, where you would have found my insurance certificate, good till May!

You took the head unit and ran.

Way to go, chump. Now the whole neighborhood knows the depths of your ignorance. Perhaps you should have stolen my kids' garden gnomes or the broken scooter, located a scant couple of feet from the very door you entered.

No, of course not. All you took was the face of my stereo, a now worthless sliver of silicon and LCD. Nice. Do me a favor, shithead. Come back later for the bags of garbage I'm putting in my trash bins tonight. I know they'll have found a good home with you.

Comments

[greysil.livejournal.com]

I had my car broken into more than once... It was a royal piece of crap, mostly full of odd trash because I never bothered to clean it. And once I moved, I always parked it in the street.

Even the kid who was arrested and prosecuted for breaking into cars didn't get anything valuable out of it. And it's ironic, too. In the center console, there was a little plastic container with $5 or so in bills and another couple of bucks in change. None of the people that broke into my car ever looked there, since they left that and my $10 Maglite flashlite alone.

Now that I have a new car, it stays in the driveway, and I always lock it and arm the alarm. The radio is just a stock one. There are prolly 100 CDs in there, but every single one is a copy. And most people wouldn't want my CD collection, anyway! :D

[dethcherub.livejournal.com]

someone stole my face plate years and years ago in the quarter...along with a bag full of chemistry and biology books...left a 10disk changer just iches from the other loot...these people are not known fo their high IQs

[http://users.livejournal.com/project_mayhem_/]

Ironically, the most valuable thing he stole was the books and probably didn't know it. I don't remember the last time I spent less than $300 on books per semester.

[http://users.livejournal.com/project_mayhem_/]

I have a solution.

If he likes car stereo head units so much, get some silver model paint and plastic and dress up the front of one of these.



If you hear a loud bang and the simultaneous echo of every car alarm in the neighborhood, you know it worked.

[nawlins-penguin.livejournal.com]

That reminds me of the VW commercial with the suicide bomber.

[evningwithgrace.livejournal.com]

I fell victim to that kind of behavior a couple of months ago. I thought I locked my car but didn't. The guy walked away with my work blackberry, a cheap digital camera I got for $30 at a pawn shop, and about 50 cents in pennies. The dumbass threw my somewhat full dugout onto the floor of my car to get the 50 cents in pennies. Figure that one out.

[theredpanther.livejournal.com]

The last time my car got broken into, they took about $1.25 and a pack of cigarettes.
They rifled through my CDs, but didn't take any. I was a little offended they thought so poorly of my taste.


One of my first visits to NOLA -- way back in the old college days -- I got a car breakin. They stole my backpack, which was full of a cheap walkman and mixed tapes form friends, my journal, and a book. They left a leather jacket, leather boots, and missed the $600 in cash I had mistakenly left in the car. Smarties! Take all the stuff that actually means something to me, and leave the shit that might actually be of value! Awesome.

[psychomononoke.livejournal.com]

my gosh.. if it weren't for the fact your van still got broken into this would be kind of funny.. what an idiot.. & what luck to you that nothing of value was taken/damaged!

i hope you & your belongings will now be safe!

on a lighter note maybe he just really likes head units..